(Source: milkshake-roses, via 0hsolovely)
ugh, heres everything…
so I have so much shit going threw my mind and since I haven’t really talked to anyone about how I’m feeling or what’s going on I’m just going to write it on tumblr.
my life has completely changed from being exactly where I wanted it to be to somewhere I never ever excepted myself to be..
I might sound a little dramatic about it but I’m sixteen and pregnant…
Yes, I know your probably thinking “Oh gosh, another bitch pregnant and sixteen” blah blah blah. Shit I’m not going to lie, I was just like that. I judged sixteen year old pregnant girls. I always said that would neverrrrrr happen to me…. But I learned you can’t judge someone unless you’ve been in their shoes. Seriously, it’s not like us sixteen year olds are just trying to get pregnant. Shit happens, Shit goes wrong. Doesn’t mean every pregnant person is a slut. It could of been their first time and they got pregnant.
I’m so tired of seeing girls get hated or getting so much shit talked about them behind their back because their pregnant. It’s not like it’s something we choose to do. I mean who would choose to be a teen mom and have their lives completely change..
This is how alllllll started….
So I was with this guy named Michael foreverrrrrrrrr but he cheated on me all the time. and you know how I knew he was cheating? most of it was done with my close friends… no matter what that kid did to me I took him back. every single time. like a fucking dumbass. well anyway he’s not important. but I ended up breaking up with him finally and his best friend became my new boyfriend. I know it seems real fucked up of me to get with his best friend, but I’ve know him since 2nd grade. His name is Austin, he was my absolute best friend. he was always the one there for me when Michael would hurt me. and since he was best friends with Michael, he knew everything Michael was doing behind my back.
Me and Austin started dating January 17th, 2012
Everything was absolutely perfect.
We definitely rushed into things… and i ended up missing my period in early February.
But I didn’t think anything of it. My mom said she was getting a little worried so she wanted me to take a pregnancy test just to check and make sure I was good. I told her she was crazy for making me take this test as I was taking it. I told her we had nothing to worry about. So we waited five minutes but no results showed. So I was thinking I was good. So I went to Austin’s for the night. I got a call from my mom about an hour later. She said “Paxton you need to come home now”. She sounded shaky and scared. I freaked out and asked her what was going on. She said “the test was positive I’m picking you up and your taking a another one”. I started crying right on spot. I couldn’t stop crying. i couldn’t stop shaking.
My mom picked me up and we went straight home, she had already picked up another test for me to take.
Within like 2 minutes the results showed up.
It was positive again.
I broke down.
Completely broke down, I cried and cried and cried.
I’m not going to lie, my first thought was abortion. I told all my friends if I got pregnant too young then I’m not going to keep it. So I was sticking with that decision. I cried to my mom about how I wanted it out of me. I wanted it gone! She had an appointment scheduled on March 12th. My mom kept telling me that I have a few weeks to see if I would change my mind. She didn’t want me to get an abortion, no one in my family wanted me too. I kept telling her that I didn’t want it.
Me and Austin went to dinner with both of ours mom’s to discuss what was going to happen. The whole dinner I kept saying how I wasn’t keeping it. I was too young. I got a call from my half sister. She called to tell me she had just found out she was pregnant too. She had found out almost exactly time as when I had found out. It was so weird to me. Her calling me telling me that made me think a little more about my decision. And I talked to my grandpa’s sister about abortion. She had two of them, she wanted to explain to me that if I got an abortion, one day I would regret it… She said to this day she still regrets hers… so that also made me think a little more.. The fact that I would be killing something that was half me killed me inside. Before March 12th had come, I changed my mind. I decided that I made the mistake of using no protection that one time.. so I had to deal with the consequence. I was keeping my baby.
The first trimester of this pregnancy literally was killing me. I got sick morning, noon, and night. All day everyday. I ended up losing weight even though I was pregnant. I couldn’t keep anything down. I had to get a tutor for school for the last two months of school because I couldn’t leave my house. And I really really really didn’t want anyone at my school to find out that I was pregnant because I knew I would be looked at completely different..
I only told a few close friends which i shouldn’t of because it got all around the school.
Everyone knows now..
I’m out of my first trimester but I still get sick once or twice a day. I’m guessing it’s going to be happening the whole pregnancy. I’m probably about 3 1/2 almost 4 months pregnant. I find out what I’m having in a few weeks. I think it’s a boy.
This is like the very first time I’m saying I’m pregnant. These words haven’t came out of my mouth to anyone except family.
Now there is just no reason to hide it because i can’t hide it for too much longer..
Bottom line to everyone, before you judge a sixteen year old pregnant girl or anyone who is young and pregnant, think. You don’t know how they really feel.. or what they’ve been through..
